A letter I found in a notebook. I think “friend” is a few people… Formatting essentially preserved

DEAR FRIEND

I DON’T SAY EVERYTHING THAT’S ON MY MIND, BUT I AM SO LUCKY TO KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER ASKED, BY SUPERHUMAN INSTINCT OR DUMB LUCK, I WOULDN’T FEEL THE NEED TO LIE.

                AND IF I EVER FEEL MORE HAMLET THAN TEMPEST, IT’S QUICKLY CLEAR THAT IT’S A JOKE OF TIME.

                I WILL FORGET, I HAVE & I DO, THAT I’M FRIENDS WITH YOU OUT OF A DEEP AND NATURAL PARASITIC NATURE. I SEE SOMETHING MARVELOUS IN YOU THAT I WOULD LIKE TO ADOPT OR LEARN OR LIVE OR JUST BASK IN AS YOU GO ABOUT YOUR SANE & NORMAL BUSINESS. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT YOU FIND SOMETHING NICE IN ME SO THAT MY DESPERATE ADMIRATION IS NOT EVIDENT OR CREEPY. IT IS PROBABLY MORE OFTEN CREEPY THAN EVIDENT & FOR THIS I APPOLOGIZE.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN I’M STARING YOU IN THE FACE & I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, I STAY SILENT AND JUST WONDER WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE SAID IN RESPONSE. IF I TOLD YOU EVEN HALF OF THE THINGS I THINK EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT YOU ENTER MY FIELD OF VISION. AND MAYBE THE WORST IS THAT I KNOW WE ARE BOTH JUST SITTING HERE BEING LONELY & SOME PART OF ME HAS THE STUPID IDEA THAT SITTING HERE TOGETHER AND NOT LONELY IS SOMEHOW NOT WORTH THE RISK OR EFFORT.

                MEH. IT’S PROBABLY RIGHT. EVERYTHING IS SO OUT OF BALANCE. MAYBE I’M SO AFRAID TO BE A PHYSICS MAJOR BECAUSE THEN I’LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW UNBALANCED THINGS ARE, DOWN TO SEVERAL DECIMAL PLACES. OR MAYBE I CAN’T BE A PHYSICS FRENCH MAJOR BECAUSE THEN I WOULD TRULY FEEL HOW UNBALANCED JUST BEING IS.

AND I’M DRAWN TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BEYOND PROBLEMS LIKE THIS AND YOU HAVE RATHR MORE LIFE THAN THIS.

LOVE,

Julia.