This Only Happens To Me the Other Way Around

What a night.

Let's start at 10 am.

Then let's move to 10:50 am when my physics professor says time is up, and I turn in the test. Then I laugh hysterically for 30 minutes. Only ten minutes of that is between classes. The other twenty are during linear.

At 11:30, I stop studying for my next midterm, and take a quiz in linear algebra. Make some fundamental errors and also have some fundamental success so who knows.

At 12:00, I take my Multi midterm. At 12:45 pm I leave turn in my paper, open the door to the room and pass through it into the silly little antichamber that I plan on painting soon, and open my beer. 

I drink the beer as I walk to get food.

I eat little food. I go home and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'll watch Buffy some more after I finish writing this. 

I cut my hair. I go into the bathroom with furious lipstick and giant scissors that I use for sewing and everything else. I look like Mia from Pulp Fiction. It's hot.

I change clothes. Hunter S Thompson's face falls from my collar bone to my early thigh. Cuttoff acid-wash shorts peak out from under him. Red words on them read "blink-of-an-eye" in German and "if a witch spoke would you hear her" in Theban. Highschool, okay. Plus no one can read that shit anyways, it's faded too much to ever elicit a blush from me again.

I clunkity clunk to the front lawn in my cowboy boots and hang out with the deviants that I usually feel awkward around. They were the only people I knew, plus I really like a few of them. I met a new person to be friends with too. We played shoe-frisbee, and became quite adept. 

Sit talk giggle. We summon a deamon, Astaroth, to bring everyone free weed. Minutes later, a friend shows up with a joint in his hand. So, I probably owe my soul to the devil now.

Get hungry, go to Commons, at which point my mother texts me "we're at Higgins" and I realize I've forgotten that I'm going to the Opera today. I change and drive there, arriving minutes before the pork they ordered me arrived.

Higgins. Portland Oregon. Really Expensive. Not too pretentious. Worth your dollar. That meal blew my mind.

Then to the Opera. Rinaldo. Do not recommend. There was one good character, and evil sexy witch. They cast a woman as Rinaldo who is basically Achilles and she did not rise to the challenge.

Drive home.

People are getting drunk in front of my door, so I drink half a bottle of wine and then talk about feelings and sexual hang-ups for an hour or two with Em and Izzy. That felt good.

Then I walk outside and meet Corrine, wander with her for a bit before leaving for the pool hall. Sit down. S sits next to me, kisses me for a few seconds, then ignores me for half an hour. He leaves, presumably to smoke a cigarette and I leave the other way. A few minutes later he texts me.

"Where are you??"

"Home"

"Do you want to hang out" 

"Sure, where are you?"

He meets me by Eliot. I didn't want to be in Chittick with him. He's not someone I want to fuck in my own bed anymore. I tell him he's the first person that I had sex with in my own bed. He doesn't know what to make of it. I insist we "hang out" somewhere else.We agree to fuck somewhere else, but we need to go to Chittick for a condom. We go there, and I grab my Renn Fayre Office Key that was due two weeks ago. He throws me on the bed and starts foreplaying. I don't play along. "Is this okay"

Of fucking course not.

I just said no.

Anyways, we leave. Not much talking. Up to the RF office which is open, so I don't even get to use my key.
As he took off his clothes I said "you're pretty." He didn't say anything.

I have a lot of bruises. Things went a little further than usual. This would be fine, except that I was still a little angry and kinda wanted to have angry sex but instead I had submissive sex. Whatever.

I cry a little, because I'm sad.

Try to explain what's wrong. "I like you too much. I feel so fucking vulnerable." So I kinda succeeded.

He asked me what I wanted from this. I don't know. Actually, I think what he asked was "You don't know what you want from this, do you?" 

We decide to sleep in Chittick. 

Leaving the office, I forget about a set of stairs and fall down them. On the way back we make fun of me. The conversation is a relief.

We try to sleep. I mostly keep crying. Ask him what he wants. He says that he likes being my friend, and he likes sleeping with me, sometimes. A few minutes later I say that it feels like he likes being my friend sometimes and he likes sleeping with me sometimes.

We decide this is bad and maybe when I calm down we can fuck again.

I ask him to leave.

I cry.

I call Graham and cry.

I walk down to the Garden House and by then am mostly done crying. Explain what happened, receive validation.

Stay there till 4:30. Come here, write this til 5:30. Waiting to call my parents and maybe ask them to take me to a hospital. Still kinda in shock from falling down the stairs. Foot kinda swollen in weird ways. 

Happy first day of Spring Break everyone. My last Reed fling started during this week last year. Maybe something good will come along. Because S is pretty great, but he's not good.