Hah. Good joke.
But, I do feel less insane than yesterday. This is such a relief, I want to shout it from rooftops. Then again, people might be concerned about a girl going from roof to roof yelling "I am less insane than yesterday!!!" They will, at the very least, wonder what I was up to yesterday.
Yesterday, I operated on the edges of reality. My back to the wall, I creeped around on window ledges while my toes hung over the abyss. I curled up in hammocks hung from nothing, hung over nothing. I watched carpets shiver and distance stretch. Heartache and sleep-loss are the kids you can't take home to mom and dad.
Heartache didn't have much to do with S. It was mostly about the 9 hours that I spent on my physics lab (6 pm to 4:20 am) on Saturday night. I only did about half of it. It was unreasonably difficult and after failing (I assume) my physics midterm I needed it to be doable. It wasn't. Oh well.
Looking back with a little bit of perspective, it's is absolutely incredible that on my second day of "spring break" I was able to sit in my room for 9 hours working on programming in Mathematica. I have some work ethic, that's for sure.
I emailed my adviser at 2 am that day to make an appointment. I want to make sure that I'm not going to get that letter that says "we're worried about you passing the qual, please pick a new major." I signed the email Julia "Numerical (dis)Integration" because my numerical integrator was failing. No more emailing professors at 2 am.
I finally felt alright on Sunday while watching Legally Blonde with Em at 11 ish. Everything was going to be fine.
Now I'm sitting outside of Chittick painting things black and listening to Ghost Part 2 by Buckethead on repeat. Got a candle burning, it's kinda sunny, and I can see flowers.
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