The Fungus Among Us - Breaking The Mold

I'm proud of this little piece of creative writing. I forgot to send it in to the Student Body HandBook so I thought I'd give it to the internet, just in case.

Mushrooms have much in common with the word "fuck." First of all, they're multipurpose. Fuck is a noun, a verb, an interjection, an adverb, the list goes on. I challenge you to make it an onomatopoeia, for IQ points. Mushrooms help plants grow, can be used as insecticides, help cure breast cancer, are really tasty, can make you see red people pole dancing on fractals behind your eyelids, were the first living things over 3 feet tall, etcetera. Fuck and mushrooms are both fun, fulfilling parts of a good life. Through Reed’s mycology club, you can have at least one of the two.

You may be wondering exactly how mycology will enrich your life. Our largest effort to date is our annual pilgrimage to the Yachats Mushroom Festival during the last weekend of fall break. This festival gives the attendee first hand experience at growing, hunting, identifying, and cooking mushrooms. It also involves camping at the coast. Highlights from last year include a spontaneous naked modern dance performance on the beach (performer 1, audience 2), participation in the drinking game that was the keynote speech, and the discovery of new passion for mushrooms and all their glory.

Last year, the Fungus Among Us also showed a lovely film, narrated in patriarchal British drone and almost exclusively time lapse video with a Star Trek soundtrack. Heaven. We also cooked using lobster mushrooms harvested near mount hood, chanterelles found in forest park, and criminis harvested at Trader Joe’s. We taught a paideia class as well, introducing cultivation, identification, and weird facts. Mushrooms allegedly have 36,000 sexes.

The future looks… a helluvalot like the past, as far as the Fungus Among Us goes. However, we aspire to improve our organization and to plan activities less sporadically. Wink. Last year we sporulated and found our potential, this year we grow. We will descend on forest park like a hive of wasps who’s nest has been disturbed and are blinded by rage and fear, minds unwavering from their single duty: protect the queen. I mean, hunt mushrooms.