The first time that I saw you, I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. A part of me has thought that every time since.
You were too far away to even see clearly. Suddenly I couldn't breath or I didn't want to breath, or there was something else in my mouth that kept me from breathing. Maybe I'd inhaled something too strong for air and too soft to feel.
I walked east to be closer to you, or "to see your face" as I convinced myself. I don't think I did see your face that day. I pretended that you were in my way, just to say something to you. I remember your clothes were the color of a forest. I passed you and took my smile with me.
I asked my friends who I'd seen in your vicinity if they knew your name. None of them did. In addition, none of them saw what I saw in you, so I pretended to be surprised that I was attracted to you. How can you be surprised by something that feels like a part of you? Maybe it happens.
Maybe this happens? Maybe you were just the first time. Maybe it'll happen again and again! Maybe this isn't some sacred magic that I should stay away from. Maybe if you aren't the love of my life it won't matter. Then again, maybe I could touch you and kiss you and this feeling would persist and I'd be drawn to you no matter what. I don't want to take the risk either way. But I guess I miss deep breaths and I think that I could breathe through you.
-Julia
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