Recognition

These days I don't recognize myself. I don't see my face I don't see my handwriting I don't see my art I don't hear my words I don't feel my desires I don't make my choices I
I feel lost. I want to know if I am who I want to be. I mean, obviously not, but I want to be able to work towards who I want to be. I just don't know where I am or where I'm going.
All I know is where I've been, and that looks more and more appealing.
So I don't value myself. I want to go back to someone I was satisfied with.
That is a) impossible b) wrong and I have some explaining to do.