I think I may have left the end of my rope somewhere back there. I dunno, I don't really have time to look for it.
Maybe this weekend's strange moods were stress-induced, because honestly it seems like my whole life is stress-induced, even the stress-less parts. I have to seek out activities that have no stress in response to the stress-drenched life I lead.
I'm not managing it.
The physics grading took me 8.5 hours this weekend. And by this weekend I mean 4 of them were Monday so the grading was super late. I had a committee meeting and relay and I realized that I just didn't have time to get them done even during business hours. At 1 am, I left the library. definitely not business hours.
Uncontrollable crying? Well, I missed most of electro because I had to leave and be bummed that the one thing I hadn't fucked up yet (physics grading) was now fucked. By 'be bummed' I mean sob under a tree. Then I went to the bathroom in the Bio building to clean up but a professor who is on the committee with me happened to be there and he waited outside to tell me that if I needed the 1.5 hrs we'd spend in the meeting I should take them. I tried to explain that the committee is awesome for me because I love discussions and I don't have any conference classes but it didn't really work.
Then, at 1 am, walking home from the library, I started crying again. I hope no one heard in the house. There was just nothing left in me except that. I literally flailed my arms before I even realized that was what I was doing.
One nice part was talking to Allie for an hour and a half before going to the library. She understood my plight a little bit, which was cool. Also it was good to decompress.
Okay, so I'll try to do better from now on but I added up the hours and I'm actually OVERLOADING, like doing at least an extra credit worth of work between committees and relay and grading.
So let's just say that won't be the case next semester.
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