Oh Baby. Rocky Horror Is So Great.

So, last night I was hanging out with Keanu and Dan. Keanu plays didgeridoo and Dan plays trumpet, they're chill. Lyle and I had decided to try out drinking chess, but then we didn't feel like drinking. We went to a house party off campus, just for a change of pace, but it wasn't all that good. There was a keg, and some interesting conversations, and everclear jello shots (which I thought were actually an improvement on normal store-jello which tastes unreal.) But then I turned to Lyle and asked "Do you want to play chess?" "Yes." We leave. Everything is very black and white with Lyle, he's an interesting kid to hang out with. Makes me want to be a better person, you know? Basically exactly what I went to college for.
So we go back and play chess for a bit. We play to an unofficial stalemate, as we both had one rook and some pawns. That's about when he got a call to go to Rocky. I knew some people were going, but then I offered to dress him and I had just gone shopping in Hawthorne for my Halloween costume and... Oh lordy.
He ended up in my black velvet dress with a line of fake gems, with my fluffy purple hat and star leggings and red see-through fluff shirt. Also a bit of makeup. I wore blue fishnets, multicolored biker shorts, a garter, my huge colorful wool socks, and a sparkly velvet top, and my crazy half-jacket. My eyes were ringed in blue eye-shadow  Devon was with us, but he was less into the dress up thing. He wore my disco-ball headband and we put sparkles on him.
We met the crowd, but only Helene was dressed up. Whatever, we looked smashing. We started walking there, but then realized that we had planned to get donuts at voodoo at 4 am. So we scurried back to our bikes and left on those so that we'd be prepared.  Of course that means that Lyle and I got there way before everyone else, but that was okay. We had cool talks, and this lady who is part of a Rocky Horror shadow cast in southern Oregon took a cute picture of us. Piggy Back is the best pose ever.
Then everybody showed up, we waited a while longer, and then went in.
Of course, before we went in we were branded as Virgins. They count everyone who has not seen it at the Clinton St. Theater in the past 6 months a virgin. It makes me want to wait 6 months to see it again so that I can participate in virgindom again.
Basically, after they spanked all of the people with birthdays in the week, we went on stage. First, there was a dancing competition. August (charming gay man who is Lyle's roommate) won for the guys. Then girls went, Helene and myself included. I didn't win, but I did merit a re-vote. The girl who won took her bra off though, so, really, I think she wanted it more. Plus the best part was that it was fuck-with-your-character-night so the guy who played Brad was dressed as Hunter S. Thompson. I totally recognized it before he was announced. Anyways, I got to do my no-judgement slutty dance directly in front of him, so it was basically a realization of all of my fantasies ever. He seemed to appreciate it. Also, he's a Reedie. Also, he's one of the main SLUR-ers. Goddamn I am maybe in love.
Then Helene and I sat back down with the people who had already played a game. Lyle's game was to simulate oral sex with a banana, but he didn't really understand. He thought it was to keep the banana in your mouth as long as possible and as far in as possible. He did have one very realistic gag-incident though.
Then there was a fake-orgasm contest. That may have actually been before the bananas. Anyways, it was pretty great. One of them started normally, and then (s)he burst into an operatic version of "the hills are alive with the sound of muuuuusic." Oh lordy, how I laughed.
Then the movie started, and we screamed and taunted and started learning the banter. Some of it is really subtle. When they enter Frank's house someone shouted "What is Reed College" and then the movie said "some bizarre hunting house for crazy wealthy people" or something to that effect. It was fantastic. Another geographically specific one was was when Rocky was pressing buttons and looking stupid. Someone said "I push red, I push blue, I play football for OSU." I was the only one from Corvallis, I think, but I appreciated the recognition.
It was a beautiful show. I think I'm going back in two weeks with a gaggle of virgins. Muahaha.
It got out at about 2:30 am. Lyle then convinced me that no one would actually wake up for a donut run at 3:30, so we just went to Voodoo straight from there. Our costumes were greatly appreciated. Lyle was asked if he was a girl. Also, he was right about people waking up. I got 2 "slept through my damn alarm" texts, but we had a blast.
We biked back along the waterfront in the rain, and made it to Reed at 3:49, just in time to meet our Donut Contingency, population 0. So, we gave a donut to the guy sweeping the floors, and he seemed to appreciate it. Then we talked for a while because I didn't wanna sleep. He did though, so we went our separate ways. What a good night.
Also, if I start saying "aint no thang" back in Corvallis, that is Lyle's good influence.

Saturdays are actually kinda nice too. Whatever You’re Into.

I was heading back to my dorm after watching half of the rugby scrimmage (hardcore) when I ran into Maggie and Nicole. They’re really hilarious, and energetic. We hung out and ate Armenian Sweetbread for a while, and then they remembered that they were missing an Arabic Movie.

So we went to see it. The first scene was awkward because this guy kept shooting people and I wasn’t sure if we should laugh, because it was comical, or not just in case that was serious. Luckily, it ended up being a comedy. I understood a grand total of jack shit, but the experience was worthwhile. Arab actors use much more intense hand gestures, it’s really fun.

Then we picked up Lyle because he’s taking Arabic so he was there. We hung out at his place for a bit, but he was going to Music Fest NW because one of his friend’s dads has connections. First we painted some warpaint and the Aladdin Sane thing on his face though. Then Nicole and I got our green on too. Then we went to the dance party.

Danced for a while, got bored, left for a bit, ate food and were given malt liquor, then Lyle came back, then most people went back inside to dance to “all of the lights” which is apparently a good song. It was an interesting dynamic outside because 2 out of five girls were pretty solidly lesbians, and 2 were very straight, and then there was me, and then everyone was tipsy and thus horny and… it was just a random conversation.

Dan showed up. I don’t think I’ve mentioned him. He smokes a lot of pot and talks very quickly and is very enthusiastic. He’s fun. We danced for a bit and then flopped for a bit. Everyone else kept dancing. My hour and a half of sleep was biting me. Then we walked around some, and ran into his upperclassmen friends. So, I met the guy who was responsible for turning the Ancient Civilizations dorm into the infamous acid fest last year. Then we went to their apartment, which to access you had to climb one fence, onto another, onto a balcony. I saw a happily dysfunctional relationship and a really pretty bong.

Then I finally went home. 

Good Lord. Fridays Could Hardly Get Any Crazier.

It began innocently enough. Das Racist played at Reed yesterday, and it was a decent show. The music wasn’t particularly amazing, but everyone got really into dancing, and the stage was full of us. Basically an excuse to dance like a crazy person with some mildly famous people. Could be worse.

Then it was over, and the Tir Na Noggies I was with decided to go back to the dorm to chill/sleep/homework. UM. NO, it’s Friday night. So, I went back to the dorm and got my ipod newly updated with Shostakovich’s 5^th Symphony and then listened to that and read Tank Girl in the basement of the Gray Campus Center. I finished the book, and then walked towards my dorm, the long way.

And thank God for that. As I approached the Blue Bridge, it filled with a bottleneck of bikers. Some looking normal, some all a-glow, some on double bikes, one pair on a back-to-back recumbent (yes, that works.) I watched them roll by, cursing myself for not wearing shoes and not being near my bike. Then, I sprinted to my dorm and put my bike shoes on and followed their trail.

I took a wrong turn, but met up with other people who were looking for them too. Eventually, we caught up at a stop at a convenience store where everyone was buying booze. I met Lauren and her friends, who were also going for the first time. Then we rode out.

Everyone was a little tipsy (not me, yet) and it was pretty much a blast. In the end we were on a gravel path along the Willamette river… Somewhere.  Near the Sellwood Bridge. Then, there was a party. It was BYOB, but someone gave me one because we were talking or something. I don’t remember the rationale. Anyways, I basically danced for a while and then realized that I didn’t have my ID card so I was locked out of my dorm. It was about 2 in the morning at that point, so I called Andrew and asked him what to do seeing as I was drunk, didn’t know where I was, and had only my phone and iPod. He suggested that I head back to Reed post-haste, and then I could crash in his common room or somewhere. Thank goodness for voices of reason.

So, I started to bike towards Reed. Then I realized I was lost, so I asked someone to guide me. He had a boombox and was headed to NE, and I was going SE and at the time we were SW so I figured I’d at least get the East part down. Turns out he led me about 10 miles out of my way, but it was a good ride. Also, my first macking since coming to Reed. Also, he showed me cool spots around the river. It was nice.

But crazy weirdness at one of them. We walked down a ramp to a dock that floats just a tiny bit over the water. It’s really pretty. But on the way down I dropped my helmet off the edge onto some rocks. We decided we’d get it later. Then we walked by a backpack, thinking nothing of it. We hung out by the water for a while, then I decided I really should go let Andrew sleep. So we started walking back… and my helmet was sitting next to the backpack. Creepy. Really creepy. But also nice.

By the time I made it back to Reed, Andrew was asleep, and it was around 3 am. My backup plan was to crash in the comic book library (it has nice couches and is light-proof.) But late at night all buildings except for the student union are swipe access only. So, I went to the SU because I really had to pee. Also, there was fantastic music emanating from it. So, I used the toilet and listened to some piano and then walked around with “Terry” who hitchhikes and chills. We had good talks, and then decent smooches. It was slutty night for me.

Then I finally crashed in the comic room a little after 5. Woke up at 8:30, waited for someone in my dorm to wake up, was let in, showered, went to breakfast and gorged myself on foodstuffs. I was really hungry. REALLY HUNGRY. So now I’m back at my dorm, finishing the paper that’s due in 4 hours. What a crazy fucking world.

This is the organization I was with. I believe some permutation of last night will be repeated.
http://midnightmysteryride.wordpress.com/photos/

SLUR. This is How to Do Friday Nights.

There is a tradition at Reed (biweekly, thank god, or my Friday nights would all be exactly the same) of getting drunk and singing. Yes, excellent songs. My favorites are the improvised songs. “A drop of Nelson’s Blood” is the first verse, and then it gets substituted out with lyrics like “getting fucking laid” or “another fucking beer” or “a three day fucking weekend” whatever. Also, they don’t all include profanity, just the ones I remember. Sometimes they get very Greek and Hum-reference-y, mega classy. Those are my favorites.

Oh, a drop of Nelson’s Blood wouldn’t do us any harm,

No a drop of Nelson’s Blood wouldn’t do us any harm,

Oh a drop of Nelson’s Blood wouldn’t do us any harm,

And we’ll all hold on behind.

And we’ll roll the old chariot along

We’ll roll the old chariot along

We’ll roll the old chariot along

And we’ll all hang on behind.

          Simple enough. This is good because it’s hard to read when you’re drunk and it’s dark. You are given the opportunity to make your own verse by holding your beer can to your forehead. Then, gradually, everyone points their elbows at you. It’s very interesting. Also, people are hilarious, loud, crass, and intelligent. It’s a bloody brilliant combination. There are classic songs too, most are in Rise Up Singing.

                There are a million cool student run organizations/events. The Fungus Among Us isn’t founded on quite so excellent a principle, but fuck it, it’ll be brilliant. 

Tidbits of Reed Life. It's Hard To Sort Everything.

I was wondering if I would be getting drunk on every single weekend night at Reed. The answer is, surprisingly, no, as of this Sunday, September 4^th. Instead, I was able to consume mega-tasty blackberry custard, play two rounds of chess and one infinite game of ping pong with improvised paddles, and see Harold and Maude, which is a chill movie. It was definitely nice, even though I was still up till three because, well, I had to see the end.

Also, support for the fungus club is mammoth. Pretty much unbelievable. I get stopped in commons and told the someone will be “top sixing the fuck” out of the Fungus Among Us, even though they aren’t on the mailing list yet. Fantastic. Also, hanging out with Lyle is a lot of fun, so it’s easier because my cofounder is super awesome. Also, (Anna, you should recognize this characteristic) he had a phase of “I dunno if I’m ready for this level of commitment to the project” and was honest about it and got over it, and for once that was not me. And next time it is me, I will learn from his most graceful example.

I went to the bins yesterday. Clothes by the pound. We calculated that they would probably pay for themselves pretty rapidly as laundry is so unreasonably expensive here. Also, a pain to accomplish as there are but two washers and dryers in the dorm of around 50 people and it’s pretty hard to move through the cycles. But Reedies are pros at Challenge Overcoming, so I managed. Phew.

The Fungus Among Us. Described while Drunk.

Say one day, you were wandering in the woods. Then you see a man bending over and you wonder what he’s doing… Lo, he is examining some juicy chanterelle treasures.  Oh la, if only you possessed such skill, such mastery of the subtle art of mycology, that you too could bend over with such poise, such taught-ness.  Well, that dream will soon be realized, in the company of friends: The Fungus Among Us. We open for you a gateway to unbelievable enlightenment without ever touching a psychedelic shroom! Perhaps you wonder: how will you achieve this masterful status? Just show up to any or preferably all of our events, created in the name of inquiry and knowledge. These may potentially include the following: a) trekking through the woods, uncharted territories, where no Reedie has gone before (unless they went on the Gray Fund trip last year) b) hours of painstaking research into the fantastic mystery that is the field of mycology, the kingdom of fungi, the world of chitin-soaked cell walls c) the gustatory odyssey of a well cooked portabella. We might also grow them. No promises on that front. Unless we get 30 bucks from Reed. Love, Julia and Lyle.

Reed College. The Early Days.

At 2 am I swipe my card to get into m dorm. I open my door, fumbling the keys in spite of my efforts to be quiet, though my roommate sleeps pretty solidly. My shampoo, conditioner, and unreal amounts of doctor bronner’s tumble into my arms as I go to take my shower. Other people talk quietly in the halls of Griffin Dorm. I slip out of my overalls and, well, that’s all I’m wearing apart from my underwear. The tiedye around my ass is still wet from running through the sprinklers, and my black bra was the only semblance of conformity left. I washed the dance party out of my hair, and the Noize Parade off of my skin.

Every night here has been intense. But August 26^th, 2011 takes the cake so far. I wandered back to my dorm as the sun was setting, thinking I’d have some downtime. Gracie was with me when we ran into Tildy, our friendly HA. She mentioned that maybe we should be in the quad, maybe we should grab some pots and pans… maybe right now. So we did. And there was the noise parade.

Some people were naked, some people were half naked, most people sparkled somewhere, by their own choice or by contamination. I was underdressed, I could tell, my grey and black hardly meshing with the rainbow of hedonists running around. So I slipped out of my shorts, and skipped through the crowd with rainbow underwear banging on a pot while people around me manipulated vuvuzelas and trombones and tambourines and kazoos to make the biggest fucking racket possible. Then we marched through campus, and the bouncy bridge moved unbelievably beneath my bare feet, with water from the athletic fields dripping down my body. What a blast.

I traded my pot and fork for half a beer, as Torbin wanted to make some noise. Then, as I danced to a trio of saxophones, they passed around a huge (albeit largely empty) bottle of rum, or rummish substance. It burned my face, then mouth then throat then stomach. I probably should have made it to dinner before the commons closed.

The people in charge did some sort of ritualistic chanting. What I could make out was roughly “we don’t want to go to trade school” and “Reed will live” and “we will live” and “Homer, Homer, Homer”. There was more Homer chanting once they whipped out a huge facsimile of the Illiad and bowed to it and held it and hit it and basically professed undying love. Homer, Homer, Homer. Like that, but louder.

Then they burned the Illiad, as well as an American Flag. I’m not sure if the flag was on purpose, but the whole time it was burning everyone yelled “USA USA USA” while not making any attempt to extinguish the thing. The moral of Noize Parade is that love and hate are not mutually exclusive.

Then Gracie and I went to the swings, which were occupied, but I was a bit drunk, so I didn’t mind. I couldn’t have swung anyways, that’d be silly, needlessly reckless. Andrew ran into us with a bit of a crew, and as usual we ended up hanging out. We went to my dorm for a bit, he sat in Dertron, and we drank a bit of my Emergency Supply. I put on overalls, but took off my shirt once we decided to go to the dance party. We danced for a bit, but then ended up wandering.

He didn’t know about the pool table though, though I swung him over to the pool dungeon. We played a round, but I don’t remember who won. So he must have. I know the difference was basically nothing, so that to me means scoring a kid to practice with so that neither of us loses too embarrassingly. Yes. After that we rolled over to my car, and my bike, so that I could show off. I played him some tunes, told him we were going to the Gogol Bordello concert, and Jason Webley (I gave him an option for Webley because he’s less of a vital experience, and more of just a BAMF). Then he was sleepy. That’s okay. It was past 1, and noise parade was crazy.