Light escapes from the living room windows and sees the shadow of my Renn Fayre project, pale sherbert blades of grass in a neat rectangle. I was painting those flats at ten in the morning, and I finished pinning the sails just as it was getting too dark to see. It was a full day. Overall straps swung around my ankles in 90 degree sunlight while I tried to create an aesthetically pleasing space-pirate ship out of questionable sketches and half-baked plans. I drank deeply from hydrating cocktails of orange juice and water. Physical exertion.
Mental exertion too. No fewer than 3 friends shared crises with me today. One had me so shocked that I was unable to deal with it. I sat on the floor and cried for a while. I am still overwhelmed by guilt. I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to him but it took two hours for him to show up and by then I had dealt with the shock by continuing to build. It's so hard.
Anyways, for a few hours I was worried that Renn Fayre would be ruined by all of the issues around me. People are not happy, or healthy. My people aren't, at least, and that breaks my heart. I feel like I would do anything to help them but nothing comes to mind.
Now I think it might be okay. I think I've been a really strong supporter for everyone in my life and that has had non-negligible consequences, even if they are still sad. And me? Well, I've had a lot of support too, but I am lucky enough to be my own best friend, my own sister, my own parent, my own bad influence as well. Sometimes to be propped up by so many things in so many ways traps you in a locked position. I don't feel trapped. I feel balanced. How else could I have taken so many shocks so easily?
I'm waiting for my room to cool down. I think I will try to get it in better order before finally going to bed.
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