A Week In(d)

Sunday morning, halfway done grading problem sets and curled up in a couch on my front porch. Is this where I want to be?
Not an easy question, but I feel good. After Burning Man I just wanted to build and travel and experience (why couldn't I have gone to Burning Man before France?!?!?), all the while knowing that I'd come back to be trapped in school again.
But I live in a house that feels like home, with people who are kind and interesting and brilliant but also push me to learn and grow. And the work? We're circling each other like lions for a fight, asking "ni jiao szeu ma?" I think when we finally clash the adrenaline from the battle will hold me through.
In the mean time, the rest of my life is almost in place. My room still needs a little more paint, but I got piles of christmas lights from a garage sale yesterday, so the half-functioning fluorescence problem is solved. Edith moved everything out yesterday, so now it's really my space.
The big parties have not been appealing to me lately. The last two nights had one rager and one lovely get together each and the lovely get togethers were heavenly and the ragers made me want to rage-quit. Last night I just smoked hookah with olde chittick until 1:30 in the morning. The tobacco fucked my brain but the conversation was good and I love them.
The giant Australian likes me. I like him too. He's so good. I don't even believe in the word good but he is it. How else could I have taken 2ce for the 3rd time in the desert with dust storms and bicycles and neon lights and felt totally safe the entire time. With almost a stranger. Incredible.
But I also need people here and now. And I don't want to feel bad, even just relatively bad. But these are simple problems which are part of a complex solution.