Y lloraras como yo

I'm trying to be gentle with myself. This week has been impossible. I've been in a haze all day every day. There has been a constant, sloshing puddle of anxiety in my stomach. It is there now. I have not been able to feel accomplished. Whether because I've done so little, done it poorly, or just not been able to recognize any success, I cannot be sure. 

I should call Esther, or my parents. I know the things I should do, need to do, but I refuse to do them. What can cure me of this self-sabotage? I want Xanax. Failing that, I could go for a drink. 

Honestly, even playing Age hasn't felt that great. If my ELO gets bad enough though I'll be able to win more, and maybe that will help!

Instead of calling my friends, I am here, and the effect is positive. The 8th Martin Beck book is also a small comfort. Rosalia, Argentine tango, and Liszt are also nice. Devendra Banhart too. 

Edith says she's had a bad month, as the reason for why we haven't talked lately. Maybe we'll talk tomorrow.

SB and I are taking care of a three-legged cat. It wasn't very interested in us, but it let us pet it for a few minutes.

I have a whole bunch of events and book clubs coming up later this month. I am prematurely overwhelmed about them. 

- Longform July 15

- Deliberative Democracy Webinar July 21 (holyshit)

- FPFM Meeting July 22

- CCL meetings

- Letter From A Region of My Mind round 2

Clay starts July 23. That could be a kind of mental liberation. 

SB is newly obsessed with Arduino vs. Evil, a youtube channel of a spicy Canadian engineer. Some choice expressions:

"I'm busier than a dog with two dicks!"

"I was conned into buying these. The easiest person to be fooled by is yourself."