Stress Culture

This morning I sat by the outdoor stairwell to the physics subbasement and marveled at how blurry my vision was.  Too much staring at computers, not enough sleep. I had half an hour before my Multi final, and I had called a meeting of Reedies Against Stress Culture. Another physics major realized the need for that particular club, and I am fully in support of it. The current membership is just three of us, mostly because it's really hard to tell who could handle being a member. Many of our peers seem to revel in the panic, especially in the physics crowd.

I do too sometimes. The first few minutes are exhilarating. Like on Monday, before the physics final.

You're standing on the edge of a sword that is ready to tip one way or another. It will dump you into an abyss if you haven't achieved your goal or if you haven't risen to the challenge. You start tiptoeing forward on the sword.
"Let's talk about Muon time dilation."
"Oh yeah, the length contraction..."
"Because of the other reference frame..."
And everyone is waiting for comprehension to arrive, to jump off the sword and live to fight another day.

We step away from the question and talk about the test. "I hope she doesn't ask about...", "The essay questions are supposed to be..." "I am so lost on quantum." Shivering extremities and shuffling papers. I've only been here for a few minutes and suddenly I'm drained. I don't want to talk, or think, or read over my notes one more time.

So I walked out onto a bench and skimmed the quantum mechanics section of my notes. There was no sword, just me and what I knew. I didn't know everything in my book, but I was comfortable with that. The knowledge I had gained over the year, and even just by studying, really couldn't be measured by a test. It was just me and physics. No extended metaphor needed.

The rest of the club walked out of the library, and we decided to go back behind the physics building. There's a little concret platform that touches the canyon which immediately becomes trees and bugs and beauty. We hung out there and talked. Whenever one of us would start getting sucked into the fear, the others would pull them out. When it came time to go inside for the test, we took turns yelling into the stairwell. The walls amplified our roars and threw them back at us.

And it was fine.