I want to go home

I really want to go back to my bed and my space heater, and I want to go to the ceramics studio and build things and I want to go to the library to study for my tests and I want to see my best friend instead of being back home where every streetcorner threatens an existential crisis. I want my firefans. I want my gross fridge and moldy microwave. I want to be alone there.

online shopping

I've recently thrown a whole lotta money into the interweb-void. Sure, in a week or so I'll have some stuff, but until then I'll just feel a little weird about the whole thing.
I bought $250 shoes. For 70 bucks, but still. I just need some powershoes, you know? And I finally bought a cracker, a sleek black half liter $30 darling  so that I can take whippits whenever I want. So that was a week and a half's grading down the drain, and by down the drain I mean turned into material things instead of stashed in my bank account.

I obviously have no real conception of what money is worth.
That's what you get being raised by yuppies who grew up poor. And for living in a city where being cheap is chic. And maybe I just have class issues that I should work out but I don't know how to deal with them.

How I got a concussion the day before my final exams started

You should see the other guy...

I swung too hard and broke the swing. I fell on the ground. I fell vigorously.

Now I'm redefining "cognitive rest" as 3hr tests + studying. Also day drunk now. Weeeeeeeeeee

s'change

if you write me something i'll write you something.

Last Day of Class(ical)

I woke up at 6:30 this morning and pressed snooze twice. Pressing snooze means walking across my room and pressing the button and laying back down. That's how little I wanted to do my work.

I could have done my work last night. Well, by anyone else's definition of "could." Instead, I drank Spumante and watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So at 7:00 this morning I was wearing a sequin dress with my mesh "I sing the body ELECTRIC" shirt over it. I looked fly, but my homework refused to do itself. I absentmindedly "studied" for my chem exam, sent despairing snapchats, and fiddled with my physics.

I thought about wearing my funderwear, but the day seemed so unsalvageable that I didn't even bother.

Then I went down the hill.

The chem test wilted at my touch. It became flaccid and weak under my pen. I emerged victorious, with 20% of the time still left over.
I know some people believe in "checking your answers" but Kanye sums up my test-taking philosophy pretty well:

When it's over it's over. Bitch I'm back out my coma.

Well, with 10 extra minutes, the Electro problem set was no problem. Credit where credit is due, without my lovely study buddy it would have taken way longer. I even had time to do most of the classical problem set. Stressless, with just a little bit left to do, I walked out of the library and to Physics 123: my most frequent haunt.

Then I watched everything fall into place. I wanted to cry, I laughed, I twitched and felt shivers flicker across my arms. My belly felt warm and my thighs clenched. My cheeks tensed and I sighed and cooed because the physics was beautiful.

It's kind of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covariant_formulation_of_classical_electromagnetism

I don't know how to talk about it yet. I don't even understand it yet. But I will, and I know how beautiful it is.

I didn't want to relax my face, and I didn't want to sit down. But I wanted to finish the last classical problem set and I did.

In classical I learned a way to derive the equation of motion for light rays from the lagrangian for light waves. Then, we talked about throwing an object with rotation around different principle axes, and which ones were stable vs. which are almost impossible to maintain rotation around. That was amazing too.

My classes are perfect. My field is perfect. Physics is amazing. I've made good choices.

I will miss classical mechanics. That was an amazing course.

unnatural

I can feel the water in blood forming a lattice structure.
There is no excuse for this temperature.

Today is Spring/Fall

I woke up to snow blustering against my window. 3 hours later I had all but 1/2 of a problem done, done correctly, on the classical set. Chem problemset: done. Electro: well, I finished in time and Neal ran down the hill to turn both of them in.

And now I'm skipping the class and waiting for it to be Spring/Fall and waiting to kiss people and celebrate in the freezing dry air and to realize what an incredible accomplishment getting through this semester was.

You're not a classmate, I can stress-count at you:
Lecture classes that take 3 hrs per week:
-chem
-electro
-classical
Labs, 3hrs each:
-chem
-j-lab
j-lab lecture=1hr week
Relay:1.5 hr per week
Strategic Planni
j-lab lecture=1
ng: 1.5 hr every other week: 45min per week
Paideia= 1hr per week

=20.25 hrs per week gone

approx:
Grading: 6.5-8.5 hrs per week.
Classical: 5-7+ who knows with classical
Electro:6-9
Chem: 3-4+ lab write up 1-5


=21-33.5 hrs per week gone

So more than a full time job. And when you add it up by hours it's not even as scary as it feels. I've worked a full time job. This is more.

And I made it through. 

I feel tired. But I'm ready to drink some champagne.