I told my new San Francisco best friend about this blog. It came up as we were painting our friendship jackets, somehow. Do I send it to her? Tonight after printing Sexy Earth Day posters and writing my boyfriend's birthday card I felt like this could be my medium. I am a bit under the weather with stress and allergies though, so we'll see how far I go.
Maybe I didn't publish the 2024 New Year scheming because I was afraid to jinx my schemes. Well, I never got to the ceramics but I did host two different versions of Golden Gatekeeping - the map idea (twice actually, though it got renamed) and a party where everyone brought takeout from their favorite restaurant as a picnic/. The Woman I Admire from two posts ago now is my friend, and I'm writing this from Art Club at her space. I go to Tango once a week or so, and sometimes more. I did eventually have a situationship, but not with that guy I hooked up with after Martuni's. And then in November, I met my now boyfriend!
I finished the Doulingo course on Chinese, and I'm working on Spanish now a bit. I hosted a handful of reading parties this summer, and logged 180 hours over 25 books this summer. I completely replaced by Age of Empires addiction with reading.
Writing has been more uneven. I journaled a ton in early 2024, but stopped as the travel picked up. I went to Fair, but I was still recovering from COVID at the time. I didn't go to Burning Man - so I rolled over a week of vacation for this year and am forcing myself to take it.
It's a trip to think back to when I didn't know the Woman I Admire (what a great term for her - WIA). To when I hadn't had sex in more than a year. To when I was just starting to host parties - before I had a wall of posters and dozens of Partiful events. Before Mossy Minds was at least quarterly. My life here is so rich.
And yet, I'm only going to be home for 5 complete weeks of the next 12. Today the ice breaker at F&N was "what are you trying to fix?" I'm trying to fix my work-life balance. I've never felt like it was off by this much before. The travel is also interfering with my work work. I feel so lost, even at the height of my influence.
When I explain my job to people, they rarely express that they expected me to have that kind of role. Maybe it's because I'm a bit apologetic in my description. Certainly no reader of this blog would imagine what I do now. That I spoke into the microphone at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. That I shared a lunch table with Patti Poppe. Things I might consider meaningless in the context of this story of my social and emotional life. But maybe they mean more to me than I realize - imagine them going away... imagine a job where people didn't seek me out for my expertise, where legislators didn't ask me to write them bills... Now I've said way too much. I've now spent five years immersed in this professional context. I am thinking about changing it–I am tired right now. But also I must acknowledge how lucky I am, how much I still have to learn doing what I am doing.
So, this is me now. So solid at 31, yet still with my little questions and struggles. Still wanting things that are hard to get: a forever home, a true love; and also building things that take time to build: community, a career, art and language skills.
The nice thing about setting goals is that you can look back and be satisfied. I am usually so afraid of goals because I'm afraid of falling short. Let this be a lesson to me.
